Everything You Know About the Web is Wrong

Trivially Make Your Site Work on Mobile? Yes, Please!

Want a super easy way to drastically improve your web site's usability on mobile browsers? Quit using CSS overlay popup windows, ie "pop-ins".

It's bad enough that they've always been a terrible practice on desktop browsers (it's a trivial way to guarantee breaking basic browser functionality like back/forward/linking/etc). But on mobile browsers they completely break scrolling and result in pages that are completely unusable. (<-- Follow that link on a mobile browser and then try any of the "Read more" links)

So get rid of CSS overlay popup windows (pop-ins), replace them will full-fledged pages, and your site will instantly improve on desktop browsers and suddenly become usable on mobile browsers.

Read more

Making a Link (or What the fuck is wrong with GitHub's developers?)

How is it possible that anyone at GitHub can be so incredibly stupid they could actually fuck up a link?

Look, all you Web-2.0 dumbshits, this is how you make a link:

<a href="url here">whatever the fuck you want clickable here</a>

How fucking simple is that?

It always works. Always! It always has and it always will. For everyone. There is no need for, or benefit in, ever doing it any other way, ever.

How can you possibly delude yourself into thinking that won't do for your needs? Or that it's too hard. Or that it has fuck all to do with avoiding legacy baggage? What fucking baggage? Look at that line of code up there. You're seriously going to try to tell me that you're so goddamn incompetent that THAT is "too hard"? Do reality a favor and start choking on your own drool now - it's obviously inevitable anyway. May as well hurry it up and decrease the surplus stupidity.

[counter here][All] web 2.0 developers don't know how to write a basic link without tripping to death over their own fingers.

Read more

Everything You Know About the Web is Wrong

I'm starting a new series here: "Everything You Know About the Web is Wrong"

Naturally, I'm not actually suggesting that's true in a literal sense. That'd be extremely unlikely. And quite unfathomable, really. But calling it "There May Be Some Information Regarding The Web About Which You Have Been Misinformed" would be too wordy. Yea, I know, I'm the king of terseness.

This series isn't about trivialities like "The 'web' is only part of 'internet'" or "That thing you're using: it's called a 'web browser', a type of what's known as a 'program' - the non-hipster word for 'app' - which runs in what's called a 'window'". I don't have nearly enough remaining patience to teach anything to anyone that dumb. Just go to a library, pick up a damn book (they have ones that are 90% pictures, so you don't even have to be literate), and read it for once in your life. Take some initiative to not be a lazy ignorant fuck. If you're over 18, you have no excuse: It's long past time you learned how to be a real self-sufficient grown-up for once. Frankly, there's not much I despise more than a middle-ager or older who makes bullshit excuses to avoid learning. Too old to learn? Bullshit: You're just too stupid and lazy to learn. At least figure out that much. Mere moments ago you didn't know know I was an asshole. But now you do. So bullshit you "can't learn"...............

Uhh...now where was I...?

Oh, right.

So no, that "Computers 101" junk isn't goal of this series. This series is for web developers and anyone else who knows enough to communicate at least somewhat coherently about such things as HTML or CSS. Other people have no need to know HTML/CSS/etc. - this isn't for them.

I would say "Look for the first installment soon!" but somehow that feels narcissistic. Or at least inappropriately worded. What do I think I'm doing, writing a generic ad campaign? Either look for it, or don't look for it, or print it out and make a hat. What business is it of mine?! None!

Read more