Time Warner Cable Cannot Find My Account

Originally posted: March 3rd, 2007

That's right. I'm on the phone with them as I type this. Time Warner Cable cannot find my account. They bill us. We receive service. But after half an hour, their tech support absolutely cannot find our account.

EDIT: Holy shit! After transferring me to the correct city, and the post-telephone-menu-system-from-hell recording tells me my wait is "sissy minutes to one hour and seventeen minutes" (Yes, "sissy" minutes. Apparently that's Time-Warner-speak for "fifty"), the message suddenly blind-sides me with blast of "why didn't I think of that" common sense: It offered to call me back when my place in the queue reaches an actual rep. So I can actually wait in line without listening to gay music (gay as in Brady Bunch, not gay as in happy or gay as in *cough* homersexual) that gets interrupted every 20 seconds (literally, I timed it) by a canned "Your call is important to us..." (Apparently, recorded messages value phone calls very highly) Well, we'll see if it actually happens...*fingers cautiously optimistically crossed with a horrifically mixed and adverb-laden metaphor*

My god, my writing is dense.

EDIT 2: They called me back, but still can't find my account. Of course. Quote of the day: (after reading them my account number) "Wow, that's a pretty long number. I'll try it but I don't know if it will work." I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm starting to miss Adelphia.

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